3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
