EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
