That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
