i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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