Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
false alarm, still single
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