Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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