So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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