My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
