It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
two words: eviction party
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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