so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He? As in you personified your dick?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize