If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
