smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
