Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
