Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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