were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
high people should be assigned attendants
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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