Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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