I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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