I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
