I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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