I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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