Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
