you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
