we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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