i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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