Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
