can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
