It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
