theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
