i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
