walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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