he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
