Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Still dying that you shit outside
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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