just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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