Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dick has a subreddit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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