you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
