How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
