so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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