Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
