he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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