Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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