3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
