can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
