I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
