Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
