I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize