Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
