I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
