ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
