i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then my night got REAL pukey
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
