I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where is the hickey?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
