Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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