Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
