I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
