your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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