Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
