dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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