she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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