i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
