He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I die, sorry about rent.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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