I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
