I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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