apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
