Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize