I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She announced her abortion via fbk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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