He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
