worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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