How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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