Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
