You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
