you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
