So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
