So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
