I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
