I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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