two words: eviction party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
