Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
